


Lights

by SaSaCo



Series: Other Fics Archive [2]
Category: Three Days Grace (Band)
Genre: Anxiety, Archived From Tumblr, Archived From sasaco-fics Blog, Comfort, Cuddling, Description of dead body, M/M, Nightmares, Sleeping Together
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-01
Updated: 2019-01-01
Packaged: 2019-09-12 20:40:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 621
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16878804
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SaSaCo/pseuds/SaSaCo
Summary: "Prompt based on Lights by Ellie Goulding. Ficlet written for Arti." Written by sourcherry-and-frenchvanilla on Tumblr.*Saved and posted to Ao3 as an archival piece. SaSaCo is not the writer. If you are the writer and would like this piece removed, please comment here or send us a message on Tumblr at sasaco-fics.





	Lights

I felt stuck. Like both of my feet were firmly planted on the ground and I was trying to walk but each step was like treading through wet concrete. 

Every night, I was plagued by crippling nightmares and night terrors, forcing me to wake up crying or biting back a terrified scream. I was never comfortable during the day, fearing that the monsters and guilt that taunted me in sleep would manifest themselves into my daily life.

Even off tour I would sit, confined to my own little world that my band mates could never jolt me out of. I could shut my eyes for two seconds and all of the imagery of my best friend dead would haunt me until another nightmare came and covered it up. 

It was always the same monotonous drawl of the day that made me anxious. Things were normal and my friends bypassed my jumpy demeanor just long enough to set me up for another night of body-racking dreams. Adam liked to tell me that I could always go to him, but it was he who made a prominent appearance every night.

His body gray. Eyes glassy. The cool blue that always said ‘home’, gone. Face slightly upturned in the cool air of his apartment. Mouth parted but taking in no air. Ever-smirking lips ashy and grimaced. Soft black hair dull and tangled.

Each evening, the nightmares threatened to drag me down. That was the normality of my life. That was home. I had to come to terms with the fact that I’d never escape these thoughts until something did happen to Adam, Neil or Barry. 

I’d go over the mantra in my head when I was alone. You have to let go. You have to tell them goodbye. I wrecked every thought with that speech. I was making my body reject any contact from my friends.

Adam would occasionally let me tell him about the dreams without judgment. He’d sit there and listen, so focused and concerned that his eyebrows would buckle up and he’d begin to frown. It was only when I started to break down he would grab my arm and wrap his arms around me. Adam was my barrier. Often he would try to curl his shoulders around to encase me fully in his warmth. His eyes would push shut like he was defending me from a wind storm. 

I felt comfortable finally. He stopped the nightmares. Adam would check up on me from time to time and if I had any relic of a dark circle under my eyes, he’d order me to hold onto him as he sat on my couch and let myself drift to sleep. If I stirred, he’d lull me back into my slumber with a soft hum or touch of my cheek.

But sometimes it didn’t work. The nightmares would come back full-force and prod their icy fingers into into my sub-conscience until I sobbed for relief and freedom from their crippling grasps. Adam would pull me into a vice-like hug, telling me that it was a dream and it’d all be over and not to let them win. “You’re stronger than they are, Brad. Don’t let the nightmares win.” He’d say. We’d remain like that until I woke up and Adam would tell me I was safe. Soon his very scent would ease me to sleep. He’d allow me to borrow a shirt of his to wear to bed if he couldn’t be there. 

Adam was helping me dream. Adam was home. Adam was safe.

Perhaps I’d never be free of the terrors haunting me and maybe I’d die this way. But Adam never let go. He never failed to let me dream again.


End file.
